looking back

Four years. It seems like so much longer. Four years ago we realized our life was about to change even more than we thought. Just a little over four years ago, we found out we were having twins. We went to the doctor on that Tuesday afternoon, eagerly hoping to see our little baby's heartbeat. We saw two. To say that I was shocked would be a colossal understatement, at the least. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think we would have twins. From the moment I saw the second heartbeat, my mind raced. I was scared to death. I didn't know anything about twins. I didn't know if they would be premature, or if they would be born healthy. I didn't know what complications we could face, or if I would need bedrest. Once the babies were born, how would I possibly be able to take care of two babies at the same time? I worried that I wouldn't be able to tell them apart. I wondered how I would do things normal moms do. How could I go the the grocery store? The dry cleaners? Church? What if I favored one child over the other?

There were so many questions. So many fears.

Four years later, I can still feel those emotions. Even though we've come so far, those emotions are still so real. Maybe it's because I still have the fears and the worries, but for a different reason. I don't worry about the pregnancy, but I worry about their health now. I don't worry about taking care of two babies anymore. I worry about keeping up with two toddlers in the mall. I don't worry about being able to tell them apart. Now I worry about really knowing each of them. And no, I don't favor one over the other. I just worry that others will. Or worse than that, I worry that others won't see them as unique individuals, just twins.

We've learned to do all of the things "normal" families do. Except I've realized that no family is really normal! As they've grown, I've learned how to manage two baby carriers at once, get two babies into and out of the car without the carriers, maneuver a double stroller like it's nobody's business, and get two toddlers (who are most likely to run in opposite directions!) safely through busy places. I've said it before, but it's really true...raising twins is a totally unique experience. It's nothing like I thought it would be four years ago. It is harder, more exhausting, and more unpredictable than I imagined. There is also more love, more laughter, and more blessings than I ever thought possible.